Well the first words spoken by my husband were: Are you ok Love? The next words spoken by my son were How are you today Mum? Did you sleep ok? I had already decided to try my hand at a villanelle as I have never written one before so... here goes.
My love are you ok?
My love are you ok?
The eventide comes close.
I saw you not today.
So hard it is to stay
When life these sorrows throws
My love are you ok?
I'll seek a better way
To keep you somewhere close
I saw you not today.
Daily these words I pray
This shadow past us blows.
My love are you ok?
To help your burden sway
Am sending you this rose
I saw you not today.
Though evening clouds are grey
Somewhere the sun still glows.
My love are you ok?
I saw you not today.
©Ingeborg. April 2010
I guess I need to explain the concern. These are words I hear often as I am recovering from a long drawn out illness and have days where I am not so ok. But today I am ok :)
Here is a Tanka.
How are you today?
How are you today?
Thank you my son for sharing.
The pain fades away
Knowing that you are caring.
Love makes naught of desparing!
©Ingeborg. April 2010.
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12 comments:
Love both of your poems. The tanka was especially nice!
Well done!
~Mark
Me too. The villanelle has a delicacy about it. I loved it.
http://thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com
It's good to know that people care.
BTW - How are you?
lol Stan.I am good. How are you?
Thank you all for your feedback. :) Ingeborg
"I saw you not today."
The repetition of this works wonders for the poem.
Grüße aus Stuttgart!
I liked the villanelle. Hope you keep warm in the cold bleak city:)
Not wild for villanelle in general, this one is usperb; I esp like the shorter lines.
I understand the first try can be the most difficult but like that yours feels unhurried and heartfelt. The tanka flow well also. To your health!
To your health and I love both poems
Pamela
For a first villanelle, excellent job! (And the tanka isn't bad either. :)
Just great, both of them. Form, content: it's all there.
exquisite melting emotional words...you did the villanelle well... blessings that you continue to feel better... conduit connect
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